C-MONSTER.net

Reporting live from Art Basel, the Burning Man of the art industry. Photo by Mike Beange.

• Are you a tortured artist? Take the test and find out.
• More ways to spend money at Art Basel: hire an art advisor to tell you what to buy. If you can’t afford one, then read the NY Times’s rules for buying art, which mainly involve kissing a lot of art-dealer ass. Grody. (Via ArtObserved.)
• Sympathy for the Art Industry: NY Mag spanks Miami artists for daring to suggest that all the Basel hullaboo isn’t everything its cracked up to be.
• The art industrial average seems to be in good shape for Basel.
• And I Quote: “…I don’t know any serious collector who is in as an investor.” I’m sure they all buy selflessly just for the love of art.
• The story that no one gets tired of telling: Basel, it’s, like, totally huge.
• In related news: Basel, it’s, like, totally exhausting. And: Basel, it’s like totally difficult to get into…if you’re a gallerist. Everyone else can just fork over $100.
• While some bloggers are yapping about being at Basel, other bloggers are yapping about why they don’t go to Basel. Either way, everyone’s yapping about Basel.
• Where all the cool kids at Basel are hanging out: Mango’s on the Beach.
• Newsflash: New York City sucks if you’re an artist.
• Art world smackdown: Art to Go versus Peter Schjeldahl.
• Dubliners p.o.’d over Norman Foster’s proposed tower for U2: “It could potentially be an incongruous blot on the skyline.”
• Mark Wallinger wins Turner Prize, which, interestingly enough, was awarded to him by Dennis Hopper. (Via Arts Journal.)
• The Day in Art Hyperbole: Stedelijk Museum director Rudi Fuchs says that having a work of art vandalized is like “being raped.” (Via Arts Journal.)
• Things that journalists should never be allowed to do: Use the word “dragon” in any story relating to Asia. (Also, knock it off with using “fiesta” and “caliente” every time you guys write about Hispanics. It’s getting boring.)
• No such thing as bad publicity: No one has talked about the New York Public Library this much in years.
• Strange fruit.
• The growing trend of art caves.
• The latest thing to bring on the impending destruction of humanity: server rooms.
• In Beijing: Grems at Parcour2 Galerie.
• In Grenada: An underwater sculpture garden.
• Your moment of hot air: special Basel-frazzle edition.