
The arches of Newport Coast: Big and bloated and serving no purpose whatsoever. Click here for scale.
Nothing heralds the end of a civilization better than some heavy-duty architectural pomposity. And in Orange County, Calif., where architecture marries the best traits of Vegas, with lots of Disney and a heavy dose of Caligula, there is no shortage of structures that say, The End is Near. Specifically, there are a whole lotta Roman-style arches, built in dimensions so mammoth, they can be appreciated from the cockpit of a Lincoln Navigator at speeds of 60 mph. In most cases, these monuments serve no function whatsoever, other than to let the citizenry know: “You are part of a civilization that is very important. At least for a few more minutes.”
After the jump, a tour of the biggest and the baddest.
* * *
On a side note of sublime ridiculosity:
In shooting this story, I was stopped by a security guard at an outdoor mall called the Irvine Spectrum (a place my friend Josh likes to refer to as the Irvine Rectum), who told me that I wasn’t allowed to take pictures of the buildings because the architecture was “copyrighted.” He even radioed his base to let his cohorts know that he had stopped “a single female” with a camera. For reals.

Calling all units. There’s a C-Monster on the premises.
I tried to explain to him that taking pictures didn’t violate the buildings’ copyright. I told him that I covered architecture for a living. I even tried to explain to him that the buildings in question are actually a total rip-off of Roman and Moorish architectural styles and that there are probably a whole buncha Mediterranean master builders rolling around in their graves somewhere. But he wouldn’t have any of it. He just told me that his bosses (that would be the Irvine Company, purveyors of crap-ass urban planning) are very sensitive about having the architecture photographed and that I wouldn’t be allowed to take pictures of the buildings.
So, if you’re reading this post from somewhere in China, here’s a copy of the Irvine Rectum floor plan. Please get started on an exact replica as soon as you can.
Click on images to supersize. More after the jump.
Continue reading ‘Roman Architecture Redux: The O.C. Edition.’