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Pop Tart of Evil: William Pope L.’s moldy toaster pastry on display at Volta.

Wandering around the art fairs this past weekend, we were struck (as usual) by the preponderance of pieces made with materials such as cardboard, pills, urban detritus, Pop Tarts (see above), and that most venerated of contemporary art material combinations: the animal carcass in formaldehyde—all of which seem to already be in some state of decay. Now, far be it from us to ever tell an artist what materials to use when making art. (We do love the idea of lard and tapioca being on exhibit at major museums). But don’t try to kid us into thinking that this stuff is gonna be around in a hundred years—like the gallerist we met at an art fair in Miami during Basel, who told us, with utmost earnestness, that the installation made of pizza we were admiring wasn’t going to rot because “it has a coating sprayed on it.”

In the interest of helping artists (and their fabricators) create pieces that last longer than five minutes, we have consulted with top scientific experts in the field of conservation, and produced a handy list of the top ten things to keep in mind when makin’ art.

Get the lowdown after the jump.

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At the Object in Transition panel at the Getty Center in L.A.: Paul McCarthy (far left) discusses the sheep plug that hangs over his head like a dagger. “The dark stuff is hair,” he said. We hope he means wool. (Photo by San Suzie.)

A who’s who of contemporary art conservation gathered at the Getty Center last night to hear Rachel Harrison, Doris Salcedo, Paul McCarthy (the man who brought the world the chocolate Santa butt-plug), curator Elizabeth Sussman (of Gordon Matta-Clark, You Are the Measure fame) and conservator Christian Scheidemann talk about conservation and contemporary art. Harrison discussed the problem of removing cobwebs from chicken beaks and replacing cans of exploded grape soda. McCarthy pondered the aging of ketchup. In between, Salcedo bummed everyone out with a long discourse on the meaning of the concentration camp in modern society as expressed by her installation Neither. Scheidemann, who has worked extensively with all of the panelists (as well as Robert Gober, Matthew Barney, and the late Jason Rhoades), repeatedly exclaimed, “The artist is always right!” But if the artist makes a piece out of some unstable, melt-able compound that freaks out at the slightest variation in temperature, how “right” are they?

Find out how to preserve your chocolate butt-plug after the jump.

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