C-MONSTER.net.

Opening day in the Koons corner at the brand-spanking-new Broad Contemporary Art Museum in sunny Southern California.

Spent all day Sunday—yes, all day, from 10 to 4—going from Broad event to Broad event to celebrate the opening of BCAM. The morning began with a visit to the recently re-installed Broad Art Foundation in Santa Monica. This is usually a hard ticket to get. But this year it was easier, because the hard ticket to get was an invite to the Sunday lunch at BCAM. Thankfully, we got into both. (And, sadly, Tom Cruise was at neither.)

Money shots and blow-by-blow after the jump. As always, click on images to see them large.

(more…)

At the Object in Transition panel at the Getty Center in L.A.: Paul McCarthy (far left) discusses the sheep plug that hangs over his head like a dagger. “The dark stuff is hair,” he said. We hope he means wool. (Photo by San Suzie.)

A who’s who of contemporary art conservation gathered at the Getty Center last night to hear Rachel Harrison, Doris Salcedo, Paul McCarthy (the man who brought the world the chocolate Santa butt-plug), curator Elizabeth Sussman (of Gordon Matta-Clark, You Are the Measure fame) and conservator Christian Scheidemann talk about conservation and contemporary art. Harrison discussed the problem of removing cobwebs from chicken beaks and replacing cans of exploded grape soda. McCarthy pondered the aging of ketchup. In between, Salcedo bummed everyone out with a long discourse on the meaning of the concentration camp in modern society as expressed by her installation Neither. Scheidemann, who has worked extensively with all of the panelists (as well as Robert Gober, Matthew Barney, and the late Jason Rhoades), repeatedly exclaimed, “The artist is always right!” But if the artist makes a piece out of some unstable, melt-able compound that freaks out at the slightest variation in temperature, how “right” are they?

Find out how to preserve your chocolate butt-plug after the jump.

(more…)

Detail of a painting in the entry foyer at the Elián González House.

You’ve popped into the Jorge Pardo show at MoCA, you’ve zipped through the Herzog & De Meuron exhibit at MAM, not to mention the 40-plus galleries in Wynwood. But if you think you’ve seen everything there is to see of Miami’s institutional culture, you are sorely mistaken. A short drive out of the Bermuda Art Triangle, to Little Havana, will take you to three exhibits that are not only fascinating, but have the added benefit of highlighting some of the most spectacular bottom-of-the-barrel episodes in the history of U.S.-Latin America relations. Do not leave Miami without a visit to the Elían González House, the Bay of Pigs Museum, and Woodlawn Park Cemetery & Mausoleum, where you can deposit flowers at the graves of both Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza and Cuban tyrant Gerardo Machado. You want travels in hyper-reality? This is it.

Stop #1: The Elián González House.

Yes. You can visit it.

Conveniently situated around the corner from the always-bustling Islas Canarias Cuban restaurant (don’t miss the mariquitas with mojo de ajo), the museum is situated in the actual house where the six-year-old Elián lived during his four-month stay in the United States in 2000. The four-room cottage is a monument to Elián, containing a copious number of photocollages of the young boy, as well as the complete collection of his wardrobe and toys. The museum, which charges no admission but accepts donations, is run by Elián’s great uncle Delfín, who obligingly shares first-hand stories about the whole sordid drama.

Elián’s old bedroom.

(more…)

The architectural cognoscenti have long hailed Miami for its treasure trove of Modernist and Art Deco buildings. But like Los Angeles, Tijuana and the outskirts of Cali, Colombia, the city is also home to a flourishing, lesser-known school of 20th century architecture known as “narchitecture”—buildings that look as if they were commissioned by drug dealers. (For the record: it is my esteemed colleague, Rosa Lowinger, who baptized this important, if unheralded, movement.)

Narchitecture is the pit bull of architecture. It grabs you by the (eye) balls and doesn’t let go, marrying a bevy of Mediterranean styles—neo-Classical, Spanish Revival and Fascist—with the vernacular American school known as Contemporary McMansion. The structures are big, overly-decorous and unabashedly gaudy, and, in their placement, show a complete disregard for their environment. The style veers heavily towards the monumental and its decorative motifs include Spanish tile, Roman-style arches and lots and lots of Italianate columns. It is an architecture that says, “Look at me. But don’t ask what I do.”

If you’re in town for Art Basel, don’t miss an opportunity to get on a boat and see Miami’s many fine examples of residential narchitecture.

Herewith, a visual tour (click on the photos to view them large):

Make it big: What narco would be caught dead in a simple, five-room cottage? In narchitecture, size definitely matters.

Narchitecture takes facets of Classical architecture and pumps up the volume. Why let just one Corinthian column do the job when you can have clusters of four?

(more…)

• The copy of Art Review with the list of the 100 most important people in the art industry.
• A German-English dictionary.
• An all-black Sprockets wardrobe that will be terrifically ill-suited to the subtropical weather.
• A shoehorn: To get your pants on.
• Ipecac: So you can stay in those pants.
• For the Ladies: Wonderbra® with gel push-up inserts.
• For the Gents: The Big Boy Bulge.
• Expensive European eyewear that says, “Hey, I know my art.”
• Hangover Helper.
• Money. Lots of it.

“I think this whole thing is just one big penis.”

“It’s an artwork, not a Rolls Royce.”

MoCA employee to friend: “Have you seen the boutique? It’s soooo hot.”

“I like this one, it’s like the same thing. But different.”

Most repeated expression of the night: “How long is the line?’

All the dazed people in this foto are staring at Murakami, who is standing just below the bottom edge of this frame.

My overview after the jump.

(more…)