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Pop Tart of Evil: William Pope L.’s moldy toaster pastry on display at Volta.

Wandering around the art fairs this past weekend, we were struck (as usual) by the preponderance of pieces made with materials such as cardboard, pills, urban detritus, Pop Tarts (see above), and that most venerated of contemporary art material combinations: the animal carcass in formaldehyde—all of which seem to already be in some state of decay. Now, far be it from us to ever tell an artist what materials to use when making art. (We do love the idea of lard and tapioca being on exhibit at major museums). But don’t try to kid us into thinking that this stuff is gonna be around in a hundred years—like the gallerist we met at an art fair in Miami during Basel, who told us, with utmost earnestness, that the installation made of pizza we were admiring wasn’t going to rot because “it has a coating sprayed on it.”

In the interest of helping artists (and their fabricators) create pieces that last longer than five minutes, we have consulted with top scientific experts in the field of conservation, and produced a handy list of the top ten things to keep in mind when makin’ art.

Get the lowdown after the jump.

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Yes, that is her tongue. (Photo by San Suzie.)

Posted by C-Monster.

Double Grooves and Dirty Menudo with Julio César Morales and Eamon Ore-Girón. (Photos by San Suzie.)

Photos from a wrap party for the annual Starlight Ball at the Honolulu Academy of Arts, held at the Thirtynine Hotel in Honolulu’s Chinatown. Featuring a show by Los Jaichackers, a collaborative installation between Julio César Morales, from S.F., and Eamon Ore-Girón, of L.A. Also included: images of some truly resplendent cocktails.

Click on images to see them large. Money shots after the jump.

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Thangka paintings from Bhutan.

Photos from the opening of The Dragon’s Gift: The Sacred Arts of Bhutan at the Honolulu Academy of Arts, which opens today. The show was so moving that it discouraged us from taking our usual clandestine photos. We did, however, manage to blow $80 on incense, in what will no doubt be a vain attempt to take a little bit of Bhutanese compassion back to the mainland.

Click on images to see ‘em large. Money shots (and strap-ons) after the jump.

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The Contemporary Museum, Honolulu.

Posted by San Suzie.

Photo by San Suzie.

Posted by C-Monster.

Opening day in the Koons corner at the brand-spanking-new Broad Contemporary Art Museum in sunny Southern California.

Spent all day Sunday—yes, all day, from 10 to 4—going from Broad event to Broad event to celebrate the opening of BCAM. The morning began with a visit to the recently re-installed Broad Art Foundation in Santa Monica. This is usually a hard ticket to get. But this year it was easier, because the hard ticket to get was an invite to the Sunday lunch at BCAM. Thankfully, we got into both. (And, sadly, Tom Cruise was at neither.)

Money shots and blow-by-blow after the jump. As always, click on images to see them large.

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Jeff Koons-designed invite to BCAM opening.

Breakfast at the Rubell Collection during Art Basel ‘07.

BCAM Update: The L.A. Times has the lowdown on the Broad Contemporary Art Museum’s glitzy gala opening last night. Coverage includes a photo essay that, shows that, like, omigod, important art industry figures (???) such as Tom Cruise and Christina Aguilera (looking like a painting by John Currin) were there.

Posted by C-Monster, with reporting by far-flung correspondent San Suzie.

Detail of a painting in the entry foyer at the Elián González House.

You’ve popped into the Jorge Pardo show at MoCA, you’ve zipped through the Herzog & De Meuron exhibit at MAM, not to mention the 40-plus galleries in Wynwood. But if you think you’ve seen everything there is to see of Miami’s institutional culture, you are sorely mistaken. A short drive out of the Bermuda Art Triangle, to Little Havana, will take you to three exhibits that are not only fascinating, but have the added benefit of highlighting some of the most spectacular bottom-of-the-barrel episodes in the history of U.S.-Latin America relations. Do not leave Miami without a visit to the Elían González House, the Bay of Pigs Museum, and Woodlawn Park Cemetery & Mausoleum, where you can deposit flowers at the graves of both Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza and Cuban tyrant Gerardo Machado. You want travels in hyper-reality? This is it.

Stop #1: The Elián González House.

Yes. You can visit it.

Conveniently situated around the corner from the always-bustling Islas Canarias Cuban restaurant (don’t miss the mariquitas with mojo de ajo), the museum is situated in the actual house where the six-year-old Elián lived during his four-month stay in the United States in 2000. The four-room cottage is a monument to Elián, containing a copious number of photocollages of the young boy, as well as the complete collection of his wardrobe and toys. The museum, which charges no admission but accepts donations, is run by Elián’s great uncle Delfín, who obligingly shares first-hand stories about the whole sordid drama.

Elián’s old bedroom.

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Thank goodness scalping is alive and well in Miami.

Posted by C-Monster. Reported by San Suzie, our far-flung correspondent.