Category: Food

Juicy: Conceptual burgers at Laundromat in Brooklyn.


Two Spanish Masterpieces, coming right up. (Photos by C-M.)

If Velázquez were a burger, what would he be? According to Brooklyn artist Joe Protheroe, he’d be a mound of minced beef and lamb, seasoned with cumin, olive oil, garlic and cilantro, and he’d be topped with chopped tomatoes, shaved shallots and a “fierce” Valdeón blue cheese. Protheroe’s burger, The Spanish Masterpiece (which also paid tribute to Goya, Dalí and Picasso), was one of various conceptual art burgers served up this past weekend at the Laundromat Gallery in Brooklyn, where local artists showed off their mad grillin’ skillz at The Burger Group Show.

There were burgers inspired by  Robert Smithson, Robert Motherwell, Rachel Harrison and Jeff Koons (The Cheesy Koons). There was even a Bernini Burger:

a beef patty, fleshy and rounded, surmounted by flowing draperies of prosciutto, a cloud of goat cheese, and a splash of the finest extra virgin olive oil. St. Teresa herself never felt such an ecstasy as this burger will provide.

Unfortunately, it was not for sale. I did however, sink my teeth into both the Spanish Masterpiece and the Robert Smithson — both of which were delicious, though I have to give top honors to the Masterpiece for its finely rendered condiments. There were a couple of art burgers I was bummed not to see, however: the Claes Olden-burger (seriously) and the Andy Warhol Burger. The latter would have been less artisanal and more multi-media. You show up with a sack of fast food burgers and you film people eating them. Even so, the Burger Group Show was an all around tasty good time — to the point that I hope this becomes an annual event.

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Final Peru Dispatch: My Lima food orgy.


Classic ceviche, made with flounder, red onions and hot peppers and served with sweet potato and Andean corn at El Veredico de Fidel, in La Victoria. (Photos by C-M.)

Now it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty: The food. Lima, hands down, serves up the best food in the Americas. I’m not even gonna debate it. I’ve been to Mexico and eaten the seven moles of Oaxaca and sucked down tacos as if the world were about to end. I’ve worked my way through menus at all kinds of places, both high-falutin’ and not, in spots such as New York, Chicago, Los Angeles and Miami. But, Peru, at every level — from the corner lunch joint to the A-List world-class eatery — offers such a mind-melting variety of spectacular dishes, that you could literally spend a month in the country and still not begin to cover everything there is to eat. Not convinced? Well, I’ve prepared a little photo essay…

Special thanks to my buddy Howard for flying to Lima to consume many of these dishes with me. And to Arturo Rojas for leading me to some of these spots in the first place. You guys rock. Hard.

Click on images to supersize. C-Monster.net is not responsible for any damages incurred to your keyboard as a result of involuntary drooling. Vegetarians: You might want to stop reading here.

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C-Mon Giveaway Extravaganza: Indianapolis Museum of Art edition.


Wholesome goodness. Except for the Twinkie. (Photo by C-M.)

The kind folks over at the Indianapolis Museum of Art were kind enough to send me a little gift pack for giveaway purposes, which includes an all-cotton Indy Museum T-Shirt (size L), a Rubik’s cube (special easy-to-solve version, courtesy of the IMA blog), as well as three super-cool mini-books — including one by David Hockney on Picasso (added to the package by my Twitter bud Richard McCoy). The package also comes with an invite to Artbabble.org, the museum’s new site dedicated to video content about art. (Right now it’s in the beta stage, so the only way to see it is to get an invite…)

Special bonus prize: Because this package was getting a little too wholesome and informative in its content, I’ve added a Twinkie, in honor of Pace Wildenstein’s Twinkie plate at the Armory Show, to the mix. It’s slightly deformed from having been carried around in my purse for a few days, but I can promise you that its taste, texture and chemical composition remain the same as always.

Leave a comment below to register for the drawing and this sensational package could be yours to keep!

The Best Dive Bars for Armory-palooza in NYC.


Need to get your drink on after pondering the state of the art market? Boy, do we have the places for you. (Photos by C-M.) 

Everyday, it seems that the economy sucks harder. Which means that an awful lot of gallerists and artists are gonna be white-knuckling it through New York’s Armory Week as they try to move merch at a time when few people are busting open their wallets. This is where C-Monster.net comes in. All of us, at some point this week, are gonna need a good stiff drink. Or seven. Either because we’re not making any money. Or because art fairs make us want to shove sticks in our eyes. So, in honor of Armory-palooza, I have rounded up the best spots for grabbing a snort — all in relatively close proximity to the fairs. I’ve even created a handy Google map that you can print and take with you. Cheers! And pray for a miracle.

NEAR THE ARMORY SHOW AND SCOPEJ. Mac’s. 600 W. 57th Street, west of 11th Ave. This eight year old spot is popular with the neighborhood auto mechanics, as well as the artists from the nearby chashama studios. It’s all bottles, no draft. But there’s a vintage cigarette machine that dispenses Marlboros, Newports and Parliaments and a pool table where a game costs a buck. The best part? The following advice, which is prominently displayed on the wall: “All you need in this life is a tremendous sex drive and a great eye. Brains don’t mean shit.” We’ll drink to that.

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The Delta Airlines $7 mojito: Syrupy, with notes of pectin.


My mojito tribute to William Eggleston, aboard Delta Flight #38. (Photo by C-M.)

When Delta Airlines isn’t losing your luggage, cleaning out your wallet on additional “fees” or forcing you to fight your way through the Hooverville ambiance of their check-in counter at JFK, they’re undertaking an ongoing effort “to create a uniquely sophisticated, stylish and entertaining experience for customers.” (At least, that’s what the press release says.) Hence their two-year partnership with Skybar impresario Rande Gerber, a.k.a. second husband of Cindy Crawford, on a line of signature cocktails. Above, one of said drinks: the $7 mojito I imbibed en route from Fort Lauderdale to Atlanta.

What’s the thing taste like? Think syrupy sweetness accented by a dash of toothpaste mintiness, landing this concoction somewhere on the flavor continuum between cough syrup and Caribbean cocktail. It didn’t taste particularly “sophisticated” or “stylish,” as the PR department pledged. But I can promise that a coupla of these babies will help dull the anguish of having to fly what has to be the country’s worst legacy carrier.

The Art of the Porno Burrito.


Do you smell what the Monster is cooking? That’s 13 inches of straight up burro con carne asada. (Photos by C-M.)

Last year, my L.A. homegirl Vidalia introduced me to the grotesque spectacularness of the Porno Burrito, El Atacor‘s legendary mac daddy burro, a sculptural assemblage of beans, rice, meat, guacamole and pico de gallo that weighs as much as a small dog. Vidalia and I had taken on the burrito in the past. But last night we did it again. And because we had one too many drinks in us, we decided to order two. We only made it through one, even though we split it three ways with Celso. But because I hate to waste a good Porno, today, Celso and I devoured the second (after taking lots of pictures).

How do we feel after inhaling this monster? Something along the lines of this.

Click on images to supersize. Many more after the jump.

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Art Merch: Graffiti chocolate + Toofly bags.


From the Department of What-Will-They-Think-of-Next? Chocolate bars with wrappers by the likes of Crash, Blade, Pink and Dondi. (All mages courtesy of the Bronx Museum.)

What do you get for the graff head who has everything? Graffiti chocolates. Courtesy of the gift shop at the Bronx Museum, which is selling a set of 10 — in flavors like Dark Rum, Caramel and S’mores — for $35. (Ten percent off if you go on Saturday, Dec. 13.) There’s also a Toofly cosmetic bag for $25 (pictured below), in the event that you want to make that special someone feel a little pretty. Now, if only someone would design a graffiti bathrobe, my life would be complete.